When I meet people, I no longer say "Hi, I'm Derek Landy, pleased to meet you." Now I say "Hi, I'm number one bestselling author Derek Landy. Worship me.

I love stories with a happy ending,” Inspector Me said.

Can I ask you a question? You know with vampires and werewolves and goblins and things, is there any mythological creature that doesn't actually exist?" "Of course," he replied. "The unicorn and the leprechaun would be would be the two main ones. The Loch Ness Monster isn't real, either, that's just someone called Bert.

I think zombies are kind of cute.” “Seriously?” “I may be thinking about bunnies. Which one has the fluffy little tail, zombies or bunnies?” “Bunnies.” “Then it’s bunnies I’m thinking of.

Just because an apple falls one hundred times out of a hundred does not mean it will fall on the hundred and first.

Have you killed anyone?” she asked quickly. “What? Did you miss what I said, about turning murder into an art form?” “But you haven’t actually killed anyone yet, have you? I read your file.” He glowered. “Technically, yeah, all right, maybe I haven’t

skulduggery pleasant is the best book I've ever read and has enspired myself to become an author.