Shoulda gone to China. They give away babies like free iPods. They put them in guns and shoot them out at sporting events.

For me, I am a huge fan of Sofia Coppola and Lynn Shelton. I love Lena Dunham, like everybody else. I love Kathryn Bigelow.

I am a karaoke purist and I don't like that. I don't think it's enough for you to just be there with your friends singing. I think you need to be in front of a crowd of hostile strangers for it to truly count.

I absolutely relate to being alone in squalor, trying to come up with something adequate. I relate to that, and I've been known to crawl out of bed and drink out of a 2-liter bottle of Diet Coke.

Now '90210' is returning with an all-new cast of slightly more plausible teens. I'll be honest: I wish the old cast was back. Ideally, this spin-off would be an Ice Storm-esque exploration of the West Beverly gang's bleak adult lives.

I hear that 5 o'clock whistle in my mind like Fred Flintstone and I have to stop. I'm also not much of a morning writer. I have a sweet spot from about 11am to 4pm. But I really work during that time.

Hollywood is a perpetual summerland, a temperate, godless yaw where the very word 'season' has been co-opted by television executives. There are few harbingers of winter here.