Only funny line I've had was my first day on the set of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. They were making me up, and I saw the director call the makeup man over, and he says "What are we going to do about the hooter?" And the makeup guy said, "I'm not a plastic surgeon." So I started that show with a big nose, and quite conscious of it.
Dick Van DykeI've won several Emmys, a Tony and a Grammy so maybe somebody will let me have an Oscar, and then I'll have a full set.
Dick Van DykeWhen I auditioned for 'Bye Bye Birdie' on Broadway, Gower Champion said, 'You've got the job!' I said, 'Mr. Champion, I can't dance.' He said, 'We'll teach you what you need to know.'
Dick Van DykeYou're going to die. That's going to happen. What matters is what you do with your time before you get flushed out.
Dick Van Dyke