I remember that the priest finally said to me, 'You wouldn't like to have a religion that makes things easy for you.' Now I know that both faith and intellect are components of religious belief.

I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.

Maxwell is serious, dedicated, awkward, forgetful, pompous to a certain degree, sentimental.

I like getting married, but I don't like being married.

I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much

Sometimes I wonder how I got into comedy at all.

I am a quick study - I can memorize a script in an hour - but I can't remember a name three seconds. I've even forgotten my wife's name on occasion.