My view on global warming is that it's a gigantic financial scam to funnel money to these countries that think they ostensibly are going to use to improve conditions in their country, environmentally and so on, but officials use - I guess apparently Tiger Woods did - to hire hookers, ride around in limos and in cases of some of these diplomats and some of these countries buy cocaine.

I talk to millions of people every day. I just like it when they can't talk back.

I'm in a unique position - I can do what I want.

You can't get much more liberal than John Kerry is. I mean, he's my candidate, but, I mean, come on.

I'm so happy, I think I'll dress up like J. Edgar Hoover and sing show tunes.

I would rather go to Baghdad than go to a professional basketball game.

I'm Howard Stern with a vocabulary. I'm the man he wishes he could be.