My view on global warming is that it's a gigantic financial scam to funnel money to these countries that think they ostensibly are going to use to improve conditions in their country, environmentally and so on, but officials use - I guess apparently Tiger Woods did - to hire hookers, ride around in limos and in cases of some of these diplomats and some of these countries buy cocaine.

You can't get much more liberal than John Kerry is. I mean, he's my candidate, but, I mean, come on.

I'm in a unique position - I can do what I want.

I talk to millions of people every day. I just like it when they can't talk back.

I'm Howard Stern with a vocabulary. I'm the man he wishes he could be.

My goal is to goad people into saying something that ruins their life.

I'm so happy, I think I'll dress up like J. Edgar Hoover and sing show tunes.