I would rather go to Baghdad than go to a professional basketball game.

My goal is to goad people into saying something that ruins their life.

You can't get much more liberal than John Kerry is. I mean, he's my candidate, but, I mean, come on.

My view on global warming is that it's a gigantic financial scam to funnel money to these countries that think they ostensibly are going to use to improve conditions in their country, environmentally and so on, but officials use - I guess apparently Tiger Woods did - to hire hookers, ride around in limos and in cases of some of these diplomats and some of these countries buy cocaine.

I'm in a unique position - I can do what I want.

I regret the times I've been mean to people... It's fine to pick on people who can defend themselves and deserve it. Some people don't deserve to be picked on who I picked on, so I don't do it anymore.

I'm so happy, I think I'll dress up like J. Edgar Hoover and sing show tunes.