If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves.

Too many creatures both insects and humans estimate their own value by the amount of minor irritation they are able to cause to greater personalities than themselves.

It has been my observation and experience, and that of my family, that nothing human works out well.

If the world were not so full of people, and most of them did not have to work so hard, there would be more time for them to get out and lie on the grass, and there would be more grass for them to lie on.

If a child shows himself incorrigible, he should be decently and quietly beheaded at the age of twelve, lest he grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate his kind.

Life is one damned kitten after another." Mehitabel the Alley Cat

In order to influence a child, one must be careful not to be that child's parent or grandparent.