An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.

Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates.

I get up in the morning with an idea for a three-volume novel and by nightfall it's a paragraph in my column.

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing.

If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves.

Too many creatures both insects and humans estimate their own value by the amount of minor irritation they are able to cause to greater personalities than themselves.