But sometimes, unexpectedly, grief pounded over me in waves that left me gasping; and when the waves washed back, I found myself looking out over a brackish wreck which was illumined in a light so lucid, so heartsick and empty, that I could hardly remember that the world had ever been anything but dead.
Donna TarttA great sorrow, and one that I am only beginning to understand: we donโt get to choose our own hearts. We canโt make ourselves want whatโs good for us or whatโs good for other people. We donโt get to choose the people we are.
Donna Tartt