Hollywood is the one place on earth where you could die of encouragement.

I wish, I wish I were a poisonous bacterium.

Guido Natso is natso guido.

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

Scratch an actor and you'll find an actress.

Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful. So you might as well live.

Benchley and I had an office in the old Life magazine that was so tiny, if it were an inch smaller it would have been adultery.