[At the reception following her remarriage to Alan Campbell:] People who haven't talked to each other in years are on speaking terms again today - including the bride and groom.

Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful. So you might as well live.

If I should labor through daylight and dark, Consecrate, valorous, serious, true, Then on the world I may blazon my mark; And what if I don't, and what if I do?

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.