A talking dog is not the answer. That's not a way to convince people not to smoke pot. If animals started talking to me, I would up my pot consumption just to make that happen.

Marijuana: why forget something tomorrow when you can forget it today?

Big deal... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs.

The genius' behind the new Rocky movie decided to call it Rocky Balboa so that we'll probably forget that it's number six. Or Rocky Balboa can't count past five.

You know you drank too much the night before when you wake up with crop circles in your pubes.

I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it.

Why would any woman agree to be on a show called Bridezillas? It's not like men would agree to be on Douchegroom.