In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'

It's easier to do comedy with an audience, because their reactions tell you whether or not what your saying qualifies as comedy.

Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I've been using money.

A message to parents who think legalizing weed will make their kids want to try it: they will anyway.

Any comedic entertainment is better when you get high.

In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'

I like Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory because some children deserve to be taken to a chocolate factory and tortured. I like Dawn of the dead because you don't normally get to kill all of the zombies hanging out at the mall.