Big deal... the only cats that don't have three legs are the ones with two through zero legs.

I grew up in San Diego, so it wasn't hard to move to L.A. to get into show business, but I did the standard thing of just moving without much money and just seeing if I could make it work.

Einstein used science to get laid. That guy is a genius. I've been using money.

Everyone wants to look good in photographs, even us trolls who tell jokes.

I'm sitting, waiting to get on the freeway, and I'm waiting my ass off. I look over at the side of the road, and there's a hitchhiker with a sign and it says, 'Pick me up, and you can drive in the carpool lane.' I got to tell you, he was kind of smelly, but he was a good conversationalist.

LL Cool J should be the spokesman for a line of pajamas called Ladies Love Cool Jammies.

[Ryan Reynolds] has had stabs at it like Just Friends. He's really fun in that.