You can't always be 100-percent positive that a joke will work, so you've just got to try it. Fortunately, if one new joke doesn't work, I've got lots of old ones that do. Just like cops, it's important to have backup.

Being on TV and getting everything paid for are the two reasons to do it with us instead of the court of law.

The thing is girls will always say you're lying when you say you had sex with them when you're lying about having sex with them.

Never really intended to be a comedian, just sort of fell into that, but always wanted to be in show business, or something to do with making comedy.

Society has definitely gotten to the point where everybody has to comment on anything, and if you want to stay sane as a performer, you're better off not reading that stuff.

It's fun playing the judge, because I grew up on all the courtroom stuff in movies and TV. So, you know all the tropes, and you know all the expressions.

I know there's a lot of nasty humor directed at celebrities, but my feeling is, in most cases, they deserve it.