I wrote an ad for Apple Computer: "Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end".

Sir,' I said to the universe, 'I exist.' 'That,' said the universe, 'creates no sense of obligation in me whatsoever.

There are two things you should remember when dealing with parallel universes. One, they're not really parallel, and two, they're not really universes

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

One of the problems, and it's one which is obviously going to get worse, is that all the people at the party are either the children or the grandchildren or the great-grandchildren of the people who wouldn't leave in the first place, and because of all the business about selective breeding and regressive genes and so on, it means that all the people now at the party are either absolutely fanatical partygoers, or gibbering idiots, or, more and more frequently, both.

I'm 48, which is a bit of a shock to me. Why only last year I thought I was a precocious young thing!

The dew has fallen with a particularly sickening thud this morning.