Please call me Eddie if it will help you to relax.

If everyone knew exactly what I was going to say, then there would be no point in my saying it, would there?

If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

One day old Thrashbarg said that Almighty Bob had declared that he, Thrashbarg, was to have first pick of the sandwiches. The villagers asked him when this had happened, exactly, and Thrashbarg said it had happened yesterday, when they weren't looking. 'Have faith,' Old Thrashbarg said, 'or burn!' They let him have first pick of the sandwiches. It seemed easiest.

The Electric Monk was a labour-saving device, like a dishwasher or a video recorder... Electric Monks believed things for you, thus saving you what was becoming an increasingly onerous task, that of believing all the things the world expected you to believe.

A cup of tea would restore my normality.