Tofu hot dogs are actually scarier than real hot dogs. It's like wanting the worst possible meat product without even the thrill of it actually being meat.

My secret is that I need God—that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love.

Ski boots are the worst. Solid plastic. They'll be around till the sun goes supernova.

Besides, animals don’t even have time. Only humans have time. It’s what makes us different.

Only the disenfranchised can party with abandon.

Vaccinated Time Travel: To fantasize about traveling backward in time, but only with proper vaccinations.

I ma trying to feel more well adjusted than I really am, which is, I guess, the human condition.