Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.

Life need not be a story, but it does need to be an adventure.

Only the disenfranchised can party with abandon.

Youth is the time of life lived for some imaginary audience.

I sandpapered the roof of my mouth with 3 bowls of Cap'n Crunch - had raw gobbets of mouth-beef dangling onto my tongue all day

You see, when you're middle class, you have to live with the fact that history will ignore you. You have to live with the fact that history can never champion your causes and that history will never feel sorry for you. It is the price that is paid for day-to-day comfort and silence. And because of this price, all happinesses are sterile; all sadnesses go unpitied.

Los Angelenos dress like they've been focus-grouped.