Adulthood feels like walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.

I used to live with two other guys. We used to cook two things. The first one was called 'cheese... thing' and that was where you get something and you melt cheese over it and the first one to guess what it is doesn't have to wash up. That's obviously quite Mediterranean; the other one was less complex. It was just called 'cheese fantasy.' That's where you come in, very drunk, at about five in the morning and find an apple and just pretend there's some cheese on it.

I've got better things to do than read rubbish about myself.

I actually very rarely see comedy myself, and although I admire the work of some comics, it does come from all over, so I’ll get a charge out of some fiction writers and poets.

I don't have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

I'll have to look into [Washington] D.C. a bit more. I know it's given over to the administration and the bureaucracy connected to it. It's a super-organism of the American state. But there's also a parallel city in there where normal people live.