Women are like canoes, full of soup. At first everyone is suspicious but then everyone wants one.

What I prefer is an audience who listen. And are intelligent. Which I try and assume every audience is. And that if something goes wrong, it's generally my fault and not theirs.

[Washington] is the political capital. It's essentially a big office.

It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.

I'm delighted to make as many people feel ashamed as possible. There's probably a site like that for everybody. I've heard Newt Gingrich has his own as well.

The American political machinery is awesome to behold in its scale and expense and waste and madness. It's the greatest circus on Earth I suppose.

Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!