It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.

The terror of failure can make you feel like a failure. So a bunch of people think you're not very good at your thing. How much do you invest in what they say? How much do you care? Failure is not putting yourself on the line.

Paper acts as an eraser on the mind, as soon as you look at what you've written.

Wow this place is really big isn't it? They must do proper stuff here, like opera and all that...shite.

I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.

He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass.

I'm just a guy who happens to work in public from time to time. I've built a reputation as an established comic, not as a celebrity - a celebrity is someone who is famous but doesn't do anything.