I ain't never been in no cell that had a phone in it. Can I stay for a while? I ordered some pizza.

Anything you have to acquire a taste for was not meant to be eaten.

The advice I would give to someone is to not take anyone’s advice.

My wife ain't gonna make love to me if I got no money!

The other day I got out the shower and I bend down to reach for a towel, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Shot through my chest and up around my shoulder and down my spine. I thought 'Oh, Lord.' I thought I was dying. I bent over and looked, and I was standing on my own titty.

That's my idol, Elvis Presley. If you went to my house, you'd see pictures all over of Elvis. He's just the greatest entertainer that ever lived. And I think it's because he had such presence. When Elvis walked into a room, Elvis Presley was in the f***ing room. I don't give a f*** who was in the room with him, Bogart, Marilyn Monroe.

My life is nothing like the Daddy Day Care life. Me around the house is nothing like the Daddy Day Care dad.