A cowboy is a hired hand on the middle of a horse contemplating the hind end of a cow.

J. Edgar Hoover, J. Bracken Lee, J. Parnell Thomas, J. Paul Getty -- you can always tell a shithead by that initial initial.

What did Jesus say to the headwaiter at the Last Supper? 'Separate checks, please.'

A good writer must have more than vin rosé in his veins, use more than Chablis for ink.

Humankind will not be free until the last Kremlin commissar is strangled with the entrails of the last Pentagon chief of staff.

Some lives are tragic, some ridiculous. Most are both at once.

In marriage, the occasional catastrophic crisis is easier to manage than the daily routine.