A rancher is a farmer who farms the public lands with a herd of four-legged lawn mowers.

The most striking thing about the rich is the gracious democracy of their manners -- and the crude vulgarity of their way of life.

When the situation is desperate, it is too late to be serious. Be playful.

In marriage, the occasional catastrophic crisis is easier to manage than the daily routine.

If there's anyone still present whom I've failed to insult . . . I apologize.

Put the park rangers to work. Lazy scheming loafers, they've wasted too many years selling tickets at toll booths and sitting behind desks filling out charts and tables

A leader leads from in front, by the power of example. A ruler pushes from behind, by means of the club, the whip, the power of fear.