My notion of a great novel is something like a five-hundred-page shaggy-dog story, with only the punch line omitted.

Home is where, when you have to go there, you probably shouldn't.

What we need now are heroes and heroines, about a million of them, one brave deed is worth a thousand books. Sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul.

Doctrines like Christianity or Islam or Marxism require unanimity of belief. One dissenter casts doubt on the creed of millions.

Football is a game for trained apes. That, in fact, is what most of the players are -- retarded gorillas wearing helmets and uniforms. The only thing more debased is the surrounding mob of drunken monkeys howling the gorillas on.

Life imitates art -- but badly.

When the situation is hopeless, there's nothing to worry about.