As a diabetic, I'm a walking picnic. I have to eat measured amounts of food at certain times.

You cannot tell an audience a lie. They know it before you do; before it's out of your mouth, they know it's a lie.

I don't have to go to a doctor and have my face changed. It terrifies me that women do that.

New York is like a disco, but without the music

Audiences are not strangers to me. They're the best friends I've got in my life.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing up there half the time. These performers that go on about their technique and craft - oh, puleeze! How boring! I don't know what technique means. But I do know what experience is. I know in my gut when I've done a scene right.

I always say, 'If you can't give a reason for the banana peel being in the alley, then don't have the comic slide over it.' Do you understand what I mean? First explain how the banana peel got there quickly. And then there's a reason for all the comedy.