An American religion: Work, play, breathe, bathe, study, live, laugh, and love.

As a career, the business of an orthodox preacher is about as successful as that of a celluloid dog chasing an asbestos cat through hell.

No man needs a vacation so much as the man who has just had one.

If you can't answer a man's arguments, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.

Life is a compromise between fate and free will.

A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other... until death do them join.

Often we can help each other most by leaving each other alone; at other times we need the hand-grasp and the word of cheer.