Rock bottom is an inability to cope with the commonplace that is so extreme it makes even the grandest and loveliest things unbearable...Rock bottom is everything out of focus. It's a failure of vision, a failure to see the world as it is, to see the good in what it is, and only to wonder why the hell things look the way they do and not some other way.

Even if I remember the first time perfectly, I don't remember the beginning at all. I mean: the beginning of addiction. It's hard to say when it becomes a problem; it sneaks up on you like a sun shower.

That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful.

...occasionally I wished I could walk through a picture window and have the sharp, broken shards slash me to ribbons so I would finally look like I felt.

Banned! My eyes light up, I think I see stars. Anything that has been banned by anyone must be something I’d like.

I start to get the feeling that something is really wrong.

I come from a family of screamers. If they are trying to express any emotion or idea beyond pass the salt, it comes in shrieks.