Usually, I wear tennis shoes because my feet are flat, and it hurts to wear anything other than shoes that are cushiony.

Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.

I watch people's behavior and notice things. I think that's why I became a comedian. I notice how stupid the things we do are.

Procrastinate now, don't put it off.

Asking who's the 'man' and who's the 'woman' in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork.

The problem with labels is that they lead to stereotypes and stereotypes lead to generalizations and generalizations lead to assumptions and assumptions lead back to stereotypes. It’s a vicious cycle, and after you go around and around a bunch of times you end up believing that all vegans only eat cabbage and all gay people love musicals.

Did you ever feel like the whole world was going to a party and your invitation got lost in the mail?