Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you've never sung before, and you realize you've never sung the right words in that song? You hear them and all of a sudden you say to yourself, 'Life in the Fast Lane?' That's what they're saying right there? You think, 'why have I been singing 'wipe in the vaseline?' how many people have heard me sing 'wipe in the vaseline?' I am an idiot.
Ellen DeGeneresProcrastination isn't the problem. It's the solution. It's the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast.
Ellen DeGeneresI was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.
Ellen DeGeneresI would rather be the good aunt who never says anything bad and lets the parents discipline the child.
Ellen DeGeneres