It gives us more flexibility, so we can do more, but it also creates the expectation of the instant response. It can take away your sense of control over your time.

In families children tend to take on stock roles, as if there were hats hung up in some secret place, visible only to the children. Each succeeding child selects a hat and takes on that role: the good child, the black sheep, the clown, and so forth.

Understanding child development takes the emphasis away from the child's character--looking at the child as good or bad. The emphasis is put on behavior as communication. Discipline is thus seen as problem-solving. The child is helped to learn a more acceptable manner of communication.

The colicky baby who becomes calm, the quiet infant who throws temper tantrums at two, the wild child at four who becomes seriousand studious at six all seem to surprise their parents. It is difficult to let go of one's image of a child, say goodbye to the child a parent knows, and get accustomed to this slightly new child inhabiting the known child's body.

It gives us more flexibility, so we can do more, but it also creates the expectation of the instant response. It can take away your sense of control over your time.

Cultural expectations shade and color the images that parents-to-be form. The baby product ads, showing a woman serenely holding her child, looking blissfully and mysteriously contented, or the television parents, wisely and humorously solving problems, influence parents-to-be.

In a study that I just did, I found that it was older children, not younger children, who felt that they didn't have enough time with their parents.