Christmas is far and away my favorite holiday. I love everything about it, from the event that inspired it, hoping for a white one, to wrapping presents. But mostly I love having family and friends gathered, and sharing traditions.

Everyone's afraid of everybody else...maybe because we're all afraid of ourselves.

Starving for a high, a place to hang out inside my own head. Starving for touch. Pain, even. A way to feel. I need to feel.

The truth is, I've always been afraid of letting anyone get too close. I built a wall around me, a barricade to hide behind those few times someone wanted entry to my heart.

School used to be an escape. Now it's just another place with too much pressure, too much confrontation, & so not enough joy.

He did seem like a nice boy. Seeming and being are two different things.

I'm a total wreck. Afraid to let anyone near. Afraid they'll see the real me.