Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.

Artemis: "Right, brothers. Onward. Imagine yourself seated at a cafe in Montmartre." Myles: "In Paris." Artemis: "Yes, Paris. And try as you will, you cannot attract the waiter's attention. What do you do?" Beckett: "Umm...tell Butler to jump-jump-jump on his head?" Myles: "I agree with simple-toon." Artemis: "No! You simply raise one finger and say clearly 'ici, garcon.'" Beckett: "Itchy what?

Grab some caviar from the kitchen. You wouldn't believe the muck they feed us in Bartleby's for ten thousand a term.

Remember this? You gave it to me for ensuring your trigger finger got reattached to your hand. You said it would remind me of that spark of decency inside me. I'm trying to do something decent now, Captain.

(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

But even though there were plenty of teeth in the grin, there was no heart.