Life took over 4 billion years to evolve into you, and you've about 70 more years to enjoy it. Don't just pursue happiness, catch it.

I won't read scripts because I have a limited amount of time. Why should I help other people do lame stuff when I can just go out and put on lame stuff of my own?

I like doing live things and plays. You can perfect the laugh or extend the laugh, you can get them on a roll. Versus improv, which I hate. Put it all together. They're more vignettes. Improv makes me slightly anxious because I feel for them.

I pay taxes in three countries, but can't vote in any of them.

Life is a comedy when watching and a tragedy when experiencing. I try and share anything I have.

If the studios paid the artists, how would they ever be able to afford the executives?

Reading Alan Zweibel makes me laugh out loud. And yet it is not a particularly funny name.