You could write a joke in the pub at lunchtime and watch it performed on television that evening.

I live in a Spanish-style hillside home in Los Angeles, California. I paid $900,000 in 1995. It's perhaps worth about $3m now. Thankfully, I paid off my mortgage before the crash because I could see it coming. I worried that I would be caught having to pay off a very high mortgage for a house I couldn't sell.

Americans like to think 'Python' is how English people really are. There is an element of truth to that.

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.

I listen to the audience and try and bounce with them. All audiences are different. But they are all homo sapiens.

Reading Alan Zweibel makes me laugh out loud. And yet it is not a particularly funny name.

I hate movies. They're so boring. So tedious.