You could write a joke in the pub at lunchtime and watch it performed on television that evening.

I love being an older comic now. It's like being an old soccer or an old baseball player. You're in the Hall of Fame and it's nice, but you're no longer that person in the limelight on the spot doing that thing.

I get to be the first doctor in the family [because of the honorary degree they're giving me].

Reading Alan Zweibel makes me laugh out loud. And yet it is not a particularly funny name.

I've got soggy thighs. It must be dinner time.

We destroy icons - that's what we do.

At least in America, you have freedom of speech, which is a good thing. It's just a question of whether you're allowed to use it on 'Fox News'.