My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

I always take my wife morning tea in my pyjamas. But is she grateful? No, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.

I can never think of the time I spend idling in railway stations as lost; it's a waiting liberated from the three temporal vices of regret, anticipation or boredom, the weak echo of that bliss spent between lifetimes.

I'm playing all the right notes, just not necessarily in the right order

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

I get airsick just licking an airmail stamp.

We had not had time to establish ourselves as a double act before Ernie joined the Merchant Navy. I teamed up with the brother of the late Dave Morris.