God, I am afraid he won't give me his answer today. If only somebody would help me - it is all so terribly depressing.

I have now reached the happy age of 23. No, happy is not quite the right word. At this particular moment I am certainly not happy.

Today I bought two lottery tickets, because I had a feeling that it would be now or never - they were both blanks. So I am not going to be rich after all. Nothing at all to be done about it.

God, I am afraid he won't give me his answer today. If only somebody would help me - it is all so terribly depressing.

I am racking my brains to find out why he left without saying goodby to me.

I sat with him for three hours and we did not exchange a single word. At the end he handed me, as he had done before, an envelope with money in it. It would have been much nicer if he had enclosed a greeting or a loving word. I would have been so pleased if he had.

If I had a dog I would not feel so lonely, but I suppose that is asking for too much.