Anybody who has the courage to raise his eyes and look sanely at the awful human condition ... must realize finally that tiny periods of temporary release from intolerable suffering is the most that any individual has the right to expect.

I mean to say, whether a yarn is tall or small I like to hear it well told. I like to meet a man that can take in hand to tell a story and not make a balls of it while he's at it. I like to know where I am, do you know. Everything has a beginning and an end.

I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror.

Moderation, we find, is an extremely difficult thing to get in this country.

A woman doesn't care if she hasn't a stomach, provided she looks as if she hasn't.

Why should anyone steal a watch when he could steal a bicycle?

Another day gone and no jokes.