Never look on the bright side. The glare is blinding.

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

I'm for prayer in the schools because ritual and ceremony are calming and civilizing, and the little fartlings should be tamped down whenever possible.

If we define a misanthrope as 'someone who does not suffer fools and likes to see fools suffer,' we have described a person with something to look forward to.

For men who want to flee Family Man America and never come back, there is a guaranteed solution: homosexuality is the new French Foreign Legion.

Owning your own home is America's unique recipe for avoiding revolution and promoting pseudo-equality at the same time.

Kings and queens might do wicked things, but they don't nag. One thing I like about Bloody Mary: she never said a word about lung cancer.