Keep dating and you will become so sick, so badly crippled, so deformed, so emotionally warped and mentally defective that you will marry anybody.

Nothing is more likely to start me screaming like a madwoman than New York in February with its piles of blackened snow full of yellow holes drilled by dogs.

If we define a misanthrope as 'someone who does not suffer fools and likes to see fools suffer,' we have described a person with something to look forward to.

The nice thing about Southerners is the way we enjoy our neuroses.

We worship education but hate learning. We worship success but hate the successful. We worship fame but hate the famous.

Americans worship creativity the way they worship physical beauty - as a way of enjoying elitism without guilt: God did it.

I do believe in reincarnation, but I do not believe there is life before noon.