Strategy is buying a bottle of fine wine when you take a lady out for dinner. Tactics is getting her to drink it.

The speeches to be wary of are those that begin with I'm just going to say a few words.

Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.

It has been said that a bride's attitude towards her betrothed can be summed up in three words: Aisle. Alter. Hymn.

The glances over cocktails That seem to be so sweet Don't seem quite so amorous Over Shredded Wheat

Hotel tea is when you have to mix together a plastic envelope containing too much sugar, a small plastic pot of something which is not milk but has curdled anyway, and a thin brown packet seemingly containing the ashes of a cremated mole.

A golf ball is white, dimpled like a bishop's knees, and is the size of small mandarin oranges or those huge pills which vets blow down the throats of constipated cart-horses.