If your children ever find out how lame you really are, they'll murder you in your sleep.

Interviewer: 'So Frank, you have long hair. Does that make you a woman?' Frank Zappa: 'You have a wooden leg. Does that make you a table?

It's fairly obvious, since Richard Nixon, that there is no such thing as a fair deal for any voter in the United States -- You're just not gonna get it. It's a joke -- the people that you vote for, they're the next best thing to criminals. But of course they have money for advertising campaigns that make them look a little bit better than they actually are.

There is no such thing as a dirty word. Nor is there a word so powerful, that it's going to send the listener to the lake of fire upon hearing it.

I want a hairy little Jewish Princess with a brand new nose, who knows where it goes.

The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own.

I want a horny little Jewish princess.