The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons.

Nobody looks good with brown lipstick on.

I think the anti-smoking business is a yuppie invention-an extension of the concept that "we'll always be young, rich, and healthy.

You know, people are basically shitty. It's when they prove it over and over again that it gets obnoxious.

Whatever you have to do to have a good time, let's get on with it, so long as it doesn't cause a murder.

I have been monitoring your earthly broadcasts for many years.

Never bend over for a Christian.