The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own.

How can I lose? I've already offended everybody!

Just be glad you don't live in one of those little countries where at this very moment, music is severely restricted, or as it is in Iran, totally illegal.

It's a despicable thing to share your personal inner torment for money.

Yeah, I tell them to change the channel if they see some guy in a brown suit with a telephone number at the bottom of the screen asking for money.

People make a lot of fuss about my kids having such supposedly 'strange names', but the fact is that no matter what first names I might have given them, it is the last name that is going to get them in trouble.

Ever try to have a conversation with someone on drugs? It just doesn't work.