I proceeded to take that mitten full of the deadly yellow snow crystals and rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous circular motion.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

People like to own things.

I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner?

The Ultimate Rule ought to be: 'If it sounds GOOD to you, it's bitchin'; if it sounds BAD to YOU, it's shitty. The more your musical experience, the easier it is to define for yourself what you like and what you don't like. American radio listeners, raised on a diet of _____ (fill in the blank), have experienced a musical universe so small they cannot begin to know what they like.

Two things are universal: Hydrogen and stupidity

Bobby Martin has another project. He's building a house. He's out there at 6 o'clock in the morning hammering nails.