All of us blossom when we feel loved and wither when we do not feel loved.

Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving.

I cannot change others, but I can influence others... we can't change people, but we can and we do influence people, and we do it every single day.

Love can be expressed and received in all five languages. However, if you don't speak a person's primary love language, that person will not feel loved, even though you may be speaking the other four. Once you are speaking his or her primary love language fluently, then you can sprinkle in the other four and they will be like icing on the cake.

What we dislike in others is often a weakness in our own lives.

People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.

This book [Desperate Marriages ] is really a book on how to be a positive change agent in a very, very difficult marriage. I am not promising that all individuals will be responsive to the approach I take, but I do believe that many marriages could be saved... could be healed. That is my hope.