I love Paul Giamatti - God, that man is like a walking Chekhov. His connection to humanity is unbelievable, and those feelings of low self-esteem - the way that all comes together on the screen? Delicious.

Before my first novel, I was dating a woman who later went to prison for bashing a guy with a hammer.

Also, I've spent an entire week without reading any books or talking about them too loudly. I'm learning to work my apparat's screen, the colourful pulsating mosaic of it, the fact that it knows every last stinking detail about the world, whereas my books only know the minds of their authors.

America should treasure its rare, true original voices and Mark Leyner is one of them. So treasure him already, you bastards!

It is a capital insult in this country not to make love to a naked woman, even if she is related to you.

I just want fiction to remain a vital force for entertainment and not just for contemplation. Both things can exist.

Forget the fountain of youth, pal of mine. You can live to be a thousand, and it won't matter. Mediocrities like you deserve immortality.