America should treasure its rare, true original voices and Mark Leyner is one of them. So treasure him already, you bastards!

The love I felt for her on that train ride had a capital and provinces, parishes and a Vatican, an orange planet and many sullen moons -- it was systemic and it was complete.

If my mother hadn't tried to sell me chicken Kiev cutlets for $1.40 after I graduated from college, maybe I would've been the lawyer she wanted me to be.

Silence has been destroyed, but also the idea that it's important to learn how another person thinks, to enter the mind of another person. The whole idea of empathy is gone. We are now part of this giant machine where every second we have to take out a device and contribute our thoughts and opinions.

You could drown a kitten in her blue eyes.

American fiction is good. It would be nice if somebody read it.

Let's see if I can write about something other than my heart.