I am adrenaline slammed into inertia: a fast car stuck in traffic.

Suddenly, it's all too much. Bryn and the bump watch. Vanessa with my high school yearbook. The idea that nothing's sacred. Everything's fodder. That my life belongs to anyone but me.

By that point, it’ll have been more than year since I met Lulu. Any sane person would say it’s too late. It already felt too late that first day, when I woke up in the hospital. But even so, I’ve kept looking. I’m still looking.

You just work through it. You just hang in there.

Obey the muse, Liz said. She's a fickle mistress.

The whole night had been a mistake. It's not going to let me rewind. Or unmake the mistakes I've made.Or the promises I've mad. Or have her back. Or have me back.

Sleep would be so welcome. A warm blanket of black to erase everything else. Sleep without dreams.